On Overloading Pillars in the Absence of Institutions
Now an aside on my earlier thoughts on overloaded relationships is this; The reason these blogs are so effective in balancing me out is that the unstructured version of them are just loose shots of thoughts I would otherwise be sending towards my friends and girlfriend. Now because I have a structural place to put them, and develop them, I don’t put those random and sometimes heavy ideas on people who can neither really engage me on them or should. Conversations are rarely the sort to talk deeply through ideas, and sit in silence and think. Ideally they would be, but I haven’t seen that happen in everyday life. Instead there’s a bunch of system 1 (Kahneman) ping pong of loose thought going on. And perhaps afterwards, the well known shower thoughts let us go deeper once more. But then the conversation is already over.
I’ve tried to bypass this through this blog, where the real loose thoughts are developed carefully over time. Or through emails with people, where you can really develop thoughts and engage more appropriately. And because I have this blog, I can use those directed conversations more personally, and not make every deeper conversation a theoretical one about my own niche interest. Instead I get to focus more on the other person, our mutual interests, and as such engage them more, and not just use them as a vehicle to engage with my own interests.
But a more striking finding this observation brought me is that having structural places to do things is really quite essential. Social institutions you could say. My blog is one for me, it’s a structural place that serves a specific function. By introducing it into my “model” - to continue my prior regression analogy - I de-load my other structural places of engaging with topics. The same goes for other social institutions, such as Christmas, summer festivities, birthdays, and generally speaking holidays.
I once heard in a podcast about the history of Rome that Christmas - the ‘modern’ version of Io saturnalia - is a holiday tradition originally stemming from the mid-winter festivities. These served the structural function of coming together, and being with our loved ones for no other reason than to enjoy each other’s company. It’s not a means to an end. By having such a structural moment at the exact time when the days start getting longer again, and the bleakest of winter is behind us, there’s a truly magical sociological effect creating good spirits. Because say we’re in October, and days are getting shorter and it’s cold, and people get sick and we know mentally that the time by which life gets better again is months away, we’d go mad. And once a crowd as a whole goes mad, no good things ever follow. Instead, with such festivities, we get to look forward to festivities where we come together, eat well and enjoy each other’s company. Have cosy and nice decorations that serve no other purpose than to create a feeling of home and comfort. Without Christmas, there’d be no way to successfully arrange such an evening. The institution of Christmas therefore provides a pre-agreed upon reason for doing things;
Instead of looking to the future for good things to come, we’re indirectly forced to engage with the present, and mutually agree to treat each other well in that moment, for no other purpose than this socially agreed upon reason. With IO Saturnalia, there’s then also the passing of the festivities after which each day is known to be better than the last, since the days are getting longer again.
That’s just to say that having these external structures that exist for no other reason than to support one function of life, the second order effects from not having that (i.e. you try to carry that need through the other pillars constituting your conscious effort at existence) are reduced. The load is taken off of them, and the true impact of it on your wellbeing is carried by its own purposeful pillar (or variable in the regression sense).
Perhaps this is why it feels wrong to go with the crowd in denouncing traditional institutions, like Christmas present giving, marriage, communion, hell even proper formal attire for work or special occasions. You absolutely can do without them, but the second order effects of not having (social) institutions are generally undervalued or under recognized.